Tiny Wings is a lovely game on iOS. Its short introduction is written like this:

You have always dreamed of flying - but your wings are tiny. Luckily the world is full of beautiful hills. Use the hills as jumps - slide down, flap your wings and fly! At least for a moment - until this annoying gravity brings you back down to earth. But the next hill is waiting for you already. Watch out for the night and fly as fast as you can. Otherwise flying will only be a dream once again.

我从事理论研究与算法开发工作也恰恰像是翻越一座座连绵起伏的山脉。每一次登顶后,都能收获不尽的欣喜(ecstasy)与鼓舞(encouragement)。然而,这种如释重负(relieving)的感觉往往是转瞬即逝(ephemeral)的,因为眼前会立刻浮现出(loom up)更加高大、巍峨的山峰以待我去征服。此时,我不得不让兴奋的头脑冷静下来,重置在刚刚达成目标、收获成功后的“轻浮”心态,重新聚集力量(strength)、耐心(patience)、专注(focus)、细心(meticulosity),仿佛一切又从零开始一样。

“不忘初心”的口号容易让人获得一种虚无的信心与空洞的自豪。但当它对应到具体的实践与真实的生命体验时,就会以上述清零、重置、重启的感觉呈现,这已近乎无助的努力与绝望的抗战。然而,只有身处于这种体验与状态时,我才会觉得一切都是合理的、正确的、正常的(Alles in Ordnung)。因为这才是开发者的真实状态,也是事物从无到有、不断提升的一般规律,更是有志于学者求仁得仁的命运。

《论语·述而篇第七 7.15》冉有曰:「夫子为卫君乎?」子贡曰:「诺,吾将问之。」入曰:「伯夷、叔齐何人也?」曰:「古之贤人也。」曰:「怨乎?」曰:「求仁而得仁,又何怨?」出曰:「夫子不为也。」